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 Dearest reader,

          I have to admit to a certain reluctance to begin posting here again, even if I still have many stories to share, and things to say. Actually, more than most will ever know, but that has been a theme throughout my life, so the avid reader will understand, if there are any left, that is…

       Without checking, I can’t recall the last time I posted anything, but it feels like a lifetime ago. For years, after all, I was posting at fairly rapid intervals.

         So, altho the ‘geniuses’ at the Apple store were stunned to see the worn keys on my laptop, to me, they seemed perfectly understandable, along with the chronic ache in my right shoulder; the result of never learning the ‘proper’ typing technique. You see, I am unique, or so it seems, in that respect as well. I hold my laptop in my lap, or braced against my bent knees when I’m lying in bed (like now), and reach across my body with my ‘typing hand’. My right one, of course!

         Doesn’t everybody??! No, eh? Hmm. No wonder…

        Well, it’s the way I learned, or ‘endeavored to persevere’, as it were 😛

        So, I guess I could use the excuse that I was having trouble locating the proper keys to peck at, and that is actually true. The longer I was away, the harder it became to find my way.

         I’ve also adopted a ‘new’ device on which I spend most of my digital time- my iPad. It’s very cool, and more portable than my laptop, but I haven’t tried posting to my blog on it yet. I probably should have. After all, I originally bought it, partially to make my blogging easier. And, it does have a more functional ‘spellcheck’. More or less. But, I digress, as usual…

        You see, the worn out keys are more of a metaphor, in my mind. They became symbolic of my mental exhaustion, and the fog that enshrouds my enthusiasm. Something that got progressively worse, despite the terrible battle I waged against it.

          I won’t reveal every detail, because the battles are being fought on many fronts, but suffice it to say, by the end of last summer, I felt like too many things were happening all at once, and too many people were expecting too much of me. I had to protect myself. Both physically, and emotionally.

          I didn’t stop writing. Not ever, at least in my head. I do have 5 or 6 posts partially completed, in draft form. But, as I neared the completion of each, I realized that the anxiety I was suffering, had leached into each post in it’s own way, so I backed off. The last thing I want to be remembered for, was the negativity I felt bleeding into my remembrances.

          I also never stopped communicating with the people I am closest to, and it is for some of them that I’m back here, wondering if this is the right time.

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           You can see that I’ve now  replaced the worn out keys (myself)on my laptop, but every battle has not been won, so my war is not finished. Nonetheless, I’m trying to move forward, like always, albeit a little uncertain of my path, at the moment. Hopeful that my voice makes a difference, even if it is just for the few.  Thanks to all who cared, right along.

love, tman

    Tony7_0095

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