Dearest Reader,

                    This has been a very difficult week for me, and most of the reason for that has been the anxiety around what I should do about the future of this blog.

                    As many of you know, I came to WordPress after losing my other blog on a competing platform. It was a devastating blow to me at the time, and I can’t really describe the emotions that I suffered through after all of my hard work was deleted in the coldest and most uncaring way imaginable… To this day, I have received no explanation, and have given up any hope that will ever happen. All I ever heard, was third party, leaving me to speculate and feel even worse.

                      You see, unlike some blogs, this blog represents a very personal effort. The writing is autobiographical, and with the exception of a few purposeful changes to protect the identities of the people who have come and gone or still remain in my life, everything I write about happened the way it has been depicted.

                       I have explained that several times in the past, mostly in comments, but sometimes in editorials like this. Segments that I have included between various posts at critical times. I would imagine that anyone who has read my remembrances for any length of time would be completely aware of this and is probably wondering what has been going on this past week.

                      That is where my apology comes in… You see, I wrote and published the last remembrance, full of the same anxiety I experienced after I published the last complete chapter of  ‘The Trap’, over a year and a half ago. It was only a short while later that the powers- that- be  in Mountain View, California decided that my writing was dangerous to the ‘community’, and that was the end of my carefully constructed blog. I was fortunate to have ‘saved’ my writing in a digital export file, but the rest- the carefully placed pictures and overall structure were a thing of the past. So, when I published this last remembrance and got the initial feedback, I felt compelled to remove the content from public view. For that, I am sorry.

                       I know there are more than a few people out there who have been reading and following my story for quite a while. I wish it were not so, but I’m afraid that we still live in a world where unvarnished truth, especially of a gay nature, can be too uncomfortable for some to handle. Because of that, and the detailed way I write these stories, I felt trapped once again, and had no choice but to remove the post.

                         To be honest, I do not know how to proceed. In a perfect world, we would really live in a free society where the story of my life is not considered evil or insidious to some and worthy of little more than a digital death. My voice was silenced for 47 years, and it seems that if some people had their way, it would never be heard.

                        I did not erase my remembrance, but changed the settings and finally settled on installing a password, so that I might have time to come to some solution for this conundrum. I have not.

                        I hate this, I really do. But, I feel like a kid, testing the ice… The lead guy . The only one really exposed. I’m not afraid of dying. I’ve already been through that. I just want my words to be there some day for someone who needs them…

love, tman  ❤

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