To my followers and the kind and thoughtful friends who have sent their warm wishes and comforting thoughts in the past few days, to try to help me overcome my sadness– I love you all, but also feel the need to apologize.
It is true, that I feel sad about the way things have unfolded in the past week, but I really had no right to visit that sadness on other people, and really, it sent the wrong message to the younger kids that come here, looking for inspiration or just to read the stories I write about my childhood, and growing up as a gay kid in a sleepy, New England town.
There are better ways to grieve, and more productive ways to move foward, and feeling sad about things that cannot be changed, is NOT the best way foward, and has not been the way that I have lived my life… I admit to making a lot of mistakes in my life, but I have never been a sad or spiritless person. It seems that my writing and commenting out here, has dredged up a lot of emotions that were bottled up for years, and that I kept at arms length purposely, because I thought expressing them would be a sign of weakness.
Part of my journey includes these feelings, to be sure, but I cringe at the thought that the younger guys have taken my example of  dealing with adversity and are now feeling sad because of that… I want to remind them, especially one who I just emailed, that we must always move foward… The past cannot be relived, and sometimes, even tho we fall short, as long as we have done our VERY BEST, we must leave the rest in God’s hands, and move on, sure in that knowledge. On reflection, I can truly say that is what I did. Maybe I fell short. I’m human. But, I tried to set an example and I believe I was consistent and loving, and that I lived up to the standards that I set for myself. Whether the kids that I advise, use that example as a guide, and spare themselves the mistakes that I have made, is up to them, in the end…

I can’t, and never wanted, to live someone else’s life for them. I hoped to give them the benefit of my experience, by sharing my wisdom and love on matters that we all struggle with, or even just make them laugh at the joyful antics of a life well lived.


DJ, Peter(s), Gabe, Kay, Davie, David, Richard, Kieren, Matthew, and all the others who read these memoirs or my comments from time to time— I would like NOTHING better than for you to live your lives in the most vigorous ways, always moving foward and without regret, but in a compassionate way that will return the love that you express back to you, tenfold, like it has to me!!


I love you all!!

tman<3

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