“So,  Mike has a son…”
        “Yeah, Bobby… He didn’t plan it that way, you know, but, it happened, and when he told his mom and dad, they told him he had to marry the girl…That’s when he told them that he couldn’t ; that he liked boys…”
        “But, Matty, how did he get her pregnant?? I mean, it was a girl, not a guy, you know what I mean?? “
         “Yeah… well, I don’t know how he did that… I mean, got hard and all… well, I mean if he really wanted, I guess he could pretend it was a guy he was stickin’ it in…”
         “Gross!! I couldn’t do that!! Man, he must have really wanted to fake them out, stickin’ his knob in a wet…”
         “Shut up!!” Matty interrupted, laughing. “Do you want to draw me a picture now?  Geezz!! It’s bad enough, that it happened… I don’t really want to think about the details!!”
          “Well, I like details!! Wet, juicy, sticky, warm…”
          “God!! Shut the hell up, you perv!!” Matty grabbed at Bobby’s side, goosing him in an area that was always a game changer.
          
           The boys wrestled for a bit, laughing and grabbing… Headlocks, arm locks, reversals… until the old Bobby returned, at least for a moment…

            But, just as suddenly, the gloom descended again…

            “Matty, she knows…”

            “Huh?? Who knows?? What are you talking about dickhead?”
            “My mom. She knows. About us. I think…”
             Matty’s blood ran cold. “What the hell are you saying, Bobby?”
             “I might have accidentally told her that I loved you…”
             “What?? Accidentally?? You’re not making any sense!! Is this some kind of joke??”
              Bobby looked at Matty guiltily, then looked away.
             “Oh my God!! Talk to me!! What did you say?? What happened?? … From the very beginning… Tell me!!”
          
              “OK, OK… It’s not really my fault, you know… I was really kind of freaking out… I got home the other night, and, I tried, but, just thinking about the whole soldier thing… the war… Mike… you… you leaving, maybe never coming back!! Well, I was totally freaking out!! “
               “So, what did you do?? Tell your mom that you loved me??  Bobby, this doesn’t make any sense!!”
               “No… no… it wasn’t like that!!  I got home, and went into my bedroom, and, she was kind of mad, because I was late for dinner and all, so, she got on me about that, and, I just couldn’t stand it anymore… I told her to lay off me… Well, actually I told her to fuckin’ lay off me!!”
                “Oh, my God,” sighed Matty.
                “Well, you don’t know how she gets sometimes!! She doesn’t act like that around you, but, she can be one GREAT BIG BITCH, I’ll tell you!!”
                 “Bobby…”
                 “No!! I mean it!! One time, I didn’t get a chance to mow the lawn, because of the job at the farm, and…”
                 “Will you just get to the point??  Forget about that, for a second, would you?? Cripes!!  How in the hell did you end up talking about us??”
                 Bobby stopped for a second, and, his shoulders slumped. ” Oh man, don’t hate me, Koles… Please… I fucked up, really bad!!”
                “I don’t hate you, you know that!!  Just get to the FUCKING point!!!”
                “OK… OK. Well, anyways, she was picking at me, and, I lost it, and swore at her, like I said. Then she asked me why I was so mad… I started to make up a lame excuse, and then she said that she didn’t believe me, that I was lying again… Well, then I told her that I was mad because of something that you were going to do, and, told her about you going to be a soldier… Well, she said that you were too young to know what you were going to do… I told her that she didn’t understand you, but, you were really going to do it!! She got all sarcastic, and said, ‘What do you know about it, Robert? Are you his mother?’ I got really mad at that, and told her that I knew you better than anyone on this earth!! Then she laughed!! She laughed at that!! And then she said,’You sound like you two are married or something!’… Matty, she said it in such a fuckin’ mean way… I just told her!!”
               “Huh?? Whatta you mean?? What  did you tell her?”
               Bobby took a deep breath and said,”I told her that maybe someday we would get married!!”

                “Oh my God…. Fuck me!!!” Matty put his face in his hands… “Did you REALLY say that?”
                “Yeah,” said the boy sheepishly…
                “Lord Almighty, Bobby… What did she say after that?” Matty sighed, and massaged the temples on either side of his forehead.
                “She told me that I should go to confession and apologize to God, and, then she said she didn’t want to hear any more, and, that I should never say that to my dad, or, he would throw me out of the house!! That made me even madder…”
                 “Oh, no…”
                 “Yeah!! So, I said, ‘What, like Mike’s dad did?’ And then…”
                 “You said what??”
                 “Yeah, but don’t worry… she didn’t know what the hell I was talking about, by then!!”
                 “No shit…. I wouldn’t either… “
                  “Well, Koles, I was mad!! You know how I get when I get mad!!  By the way…. You’re doing a lot of swearing tonight… You’re going to have to go to confession, tomorrow…”
                  “No fuckin’ shit, Sherlock… I might as well swear from now until they take me away in a fuckin’ straightjacket!!”
                   “Wow!! That’s pretty good!! I didn’t know that you could swear so good!! I’m proud of you, Bubba!!”
                
                   Matty glared at his best friend. Bobby went silent, for the moment.

                   Finally, the tall blond boy spoke. “All right… So, I’m almost afraid to ask. How did you end up out here, tonight?”
                   Bobby groaned…
                   “Don’t even tell me… You didn’t say anything to your dad, did you?”
                   “No… I was just thinking… Man, am I hungry!!”
                   “Forget about your stomach for a second!! Why were you out here tonight, crying ??? And, why is your mom acting so weird towards me?? Because of what you said??”
                    “Kind of… Well, when I got back from school today, she didn’t say much for a while, so, I figured she forgot about it, or something…”
                     “Yeah… When pigs fly…”
                     “Huh?”
                     “Never mind!! Just go on. What happened, then?”
                     “Oh, well, she came into my room to tell me to turn the radio down, and then she asked me if I went to confession… Well, I told her no, I didn’t need to go to confession… Then, she said that it was time for me to meet new friends, and, maybe I should stop seeing you for a while… Maybe I should meet a nice girl!!”
                      “Great… Never saw that coming…”
                      “Me neither!!”
                       “I was being sarcastic…”
                       “Oh, yeah… Well, that’s when I told her I was old enough to make my own friends and I ran out, and came up here!! Without my jacket even!!”
                        The boy started to shiver again… Matty looked at him, and said, quietly, “Come over here… Sit between my legs. I’ll warm you up. We have to figure this out…”
                        Bobby crawled across his lover’s legs and positioned himself between Matty’s legs with his back against the blond boy’s chest. Then, he leaned back, as Matty embraced him tenderly in a bear hug, and kissed him softly on the neck.
                       “What are we going to do, Koles?? I really fucked up, didn’t I??”
                       “Yeah.” Matty was quiet for a minute while he thought. “But, it wasn’t your fault.”
                       “Huh?” Bobby turned and looked at his best friend.
                       Matty kissed him on the neck again… “My fault. I should have known that you would be so upset…Well, I did, but, I didn’t know what to do, until I went home, the other night, and was falling asleep.”
                       “Did you dream about me??”

                       “Kind of… See, when I’m falling asleep at night, I think about the things that happened that day… Sometimes, it’s because I want to figure out what to do about something… some kind of problem, or something. So, I’ll think about it until I come up with a good idea. Or, if I’m mad at someone, I’ll pray about how to forgive them… That way, I never go to sleep mad!! You see?? I’ve done that, since I was a little boy… Forever, really.  Anyways, when I’m sure that I’m not mad anymore or figured out a way to fix a problem, I say to myself, ‘OK.. that’s that!! Now that that’s done, what cute boys did I see today?”
            “You mean, like me?? You’d better mean me, Koles!!”
         Matty laughed… “Always you, Bobby… Always you.” He hugged his teenaged lover even tighter to him, and, rubbed the boy’s soft arms to try to warm him.
         “Anyways, that’s when I decided to give you the necklace. I knew I had hurt you, even tho I didn’t mean to, but, until then, I guess you didn’t believe me… I shouldn’t have let you go home without making sure you knew how much I loved you. So, you see, none of this would have happened, if I had done that.. So, it’s really my fault… I tried to give you the necklace the next morning in school, but, it was already too late, and you were still too upset, anyways…”
         “I was being a dick…”
         “You were doing the best that you could… I’ll never forget that note you wrote.”
         “Yeah, that was really in ‘Dickville’ as it turns out.”
         “Forget it, Bobby. We have to figure this out. Listen, did you say ANYTHING else to your mom that you can remember?? I mean, anything??”
          “I don’t think so… No, I can’t think of anything else, why?”
          “OK!!  Listen,” Matty said excitedly. “All you have to do is tell your mom that you were joking!!”
          “That’s not going to work!! She’ll just say I’m lying again!!”
          “No… listen!! You tell her that you were mad that she said you didn’t know anything about your best friend, and that she knew me better… Then, she’ll probably say, ‘I never said that!’ And, then you say, ‘Sure you did! Why do you think I got so mad?’ Then, she’ll probably get all confused, and she might say something about what you said about us getting married, and, you just laugh, and, say, ‘What, did you REALLY think I meant that?? That’s CRAZY!! Guys don’t marry guys, they marry girls!!’ She’ll probably be all relieved to hear you say that, so, if you don’t have to, don’t say anything else, just laugh some more… do you know what I mean? Do you think you could pull that off?”
           “Sure, who do you think you’re talking to, Bubba?”
           Matty groaned…
           “Are you getting as hungry as me??”
           “Look, dickhead… Don’t get all big- headed about this!!  Just play it cool, and, use your expertise with all the lying you’ve perfected, and this will all go away!”
            “Hey!  Expertise….” Bobby grabbed Matty’s knee, and the two boys began the dance once again, as the night chill was forgotten and the path foward was determined. Lie on top of lie. A way of life that was the reality in their world where love is a torment, and a kiss is perversion, even if the lips are gentle and the smile is genuine. Even if God is watching…

        Continued in part 5…

    

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