Let me translate, please…. D= Dumb/  Illusion= the sand beneath my feet in this ether…
  
     Please forgive my pathetic attempt to describe the confusion that I felt the past day or so….

     I made this hybrid word partly with tongue firmly planted in cheek.  I’m trying to figure out how I could have misinterpreted something that I thought I read quite clearly, but, you know, maybe that’s the wrong approach to this, anyways… Maybe it’s just time for a fresh start…

     I hate the feelings that I’ve been having the past few weeks. I would love to leave them behind and focus on more positive things… So, how about the feelings that I got late last night,  talking via email to a fine young man from across the ‘Pond’ who managed to make me feel better just because he cares… We exchanged emails till the sun was rising in his domain… I call him a little prince, because he really is, in my mind… A caring kid, who puts himself out there every day for his family and friends, despite the emotional drain that is evident, at least to me… Any young gay kid would be blessed to hook up with such a caring person… I love him like I love all my nephews…
        Then, this morning… I didn’t moderate some comments to yesterday’s post because I just didn’t want to look at them, until I had time to reflect…. Till I counted my blessings… That, ALWAYS helps.
        When I finally checked my emails on the blog, I have to say, my spirits were lifted. Well, the virtual birthday card from a certain young guy that I’m always worried about, didn’t hurt, either!!  lol   Very nice, kid!! I owe you!! It meant a lot to me…{HUGS}  What can I say- I don’t want to get all teary eyed at the moment. There’s been a little too much of that lately!!
       I also had a 45 minute conversation with my 6 year old Godson… What a hoot!!  That little guy can talk!! lol  And, he’s smart as a whip!! Almost too smart, if you know what I mean… He’ll be a lot like me with the analytical, worrying stuff, God bess him!! Anyways, he gave me some suggestions on how to humanely keep the local groundhog from annihilating my vegetable gardens. I had to cover my mouth several times, to choke back the laughter – he was dead serious, and, it was as funny a conversation as I’ve had with anyone for years!!
    
                   Then, the rest of the comments.

       I guess I’ll address Gabe’s comments first. After all, he’s one of the kids most affected by the recent drama, and, altho I wasn’t going to identify him as the source of my discouragement, I did something rather stupid, dumb really- I implied it all. I was angry and bewildered, Gabe. I’m sorry. Even if you meant things the way that I read them, I should have held back and tried for some clarity, before reacting… I guess that’s what is called ‘collateral damage’- something that we have too much of, lately…
       I’ll take you at your word, kid! By the way, I hope you don’t mind me using that word. I use it out of affection, with a lot of the younger bloggers. Heck, I even call some of my older friends in ‘real’ life ‘kids’!!  I kid you not!!  lol

       Which brings me to the larger point. A point that needs clarification, I think…

       I know that Gabe is now viewing a lot of what he sees with skepticism… None of this is real… How can you wrap your mind around the notion that anyone cares out here anymore, after what has happened??  Listen, kid, I have felt the same confusion lately; the same sense of betrayal, and, am trying to find a way foward. A path that is smooth and straight… Painless, if possible.

       We should always strive for perfection, but realize that we are treading in HIS domain.

       I guess what I’m saying here, is that, as much as we try, there will be bumps in the road. Disappointments… Moments of confusion, fear,  and, sometimes, even  pain.

        They will be worth it. I promise you that, Gabe, and every other young guy, that ventures to improve himself and help others out here. It is not a perfect medium, but, it is what we have, and, in my opinion, far better than the deadly silence that I struggled with as a kid. Out here, at least we have a sort of virtual mirror, into which we can reflect the thoughts and ideas of millions of people with one glance.

        I know you worry about the realness of it all. So do I. But, I have to tell you… You are real to me. I’m not entirely sure why it has happened like that, but, it has. A year ago, I probably would have had a different opinion, but, after the virtual connections of my life have expanded, and, I’m talking to a sad kid in Great Britain at 2 A.M. his time, as he roams the street, looking for comfort… All I can say is,  ‘Wow!’ How is this even possible??  But, it is, and, we should embrace the possibilities  at least as much as we guard against the risks…

        To all the people that sent supportive comments- From the bottom of my heart, Thank You!!  Thank you for helping me to understand the great potential for good in this ‘Illusion’… Something so difficult to grasp, at least for me, has no right to be so important!! lol  Thank you for the wonderful birthday present!!

                                     Tman ❤      
                                  

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