Dearest readers, and friends…..
            Today, for the first time in my life, I attended a show that I have wanted to see for over a decade…The Cirque de Soleil… I took my elderly parents with me, and, I have to say, that it was probably one of the most entertaining performances that I have ever been privileged to attend. The old folks were kind of overwhelmed by the spectacle, but, they seemed to enjoy the afternoon as well…
           I watched the young men and women that are the performers, and, my mind drifted back to the days of my youth, and the audiences that I would perform for, during my time as an athlete… There was always something kind of ‘electric’ for me, in those days, as I darted around the court and the crowd reacted to my effort . Sometimes effort wasn’t enough, of course, and, I had to learn to live with failure… far too often, in fact…. It has been a long time since I heard the roar of a crowd, or felt the love of my fans, until now…
           Friday morning was a low point in my life. I can’t really say that I felt so sad for one particular reason, so, it might be hard to understand why I felt the way that I did. Some part of me just got overwhelmed… Kind of like an overload… I have, in the last 6 months or so, thrown myself into the fire, so to speak, and, it started to consume me… In my life, I have always tried to put maximum effort into what I undertake, and, I guess, on some level, that can be catastrophic, if the results do not live up to expectations. Apparently, I still yearn for that electric feeling of success, even tho the venue of my life has changed completely… I also have never learned to accept mediocrity and feel really frustrated that my life, in so many ways, has lost the vigor that I expect it to have… I am the personification of a failed big brother, or uncle out here… At least that’s what it feels like, lately…
 
        In my letter, I said that I no longer cared… That, was a lie… I am sorry for that.  Especially to the young guys that understood differently… If anything, I care too much… I love you all- David, JJ, Peter, Kay… and the others that don’t even know about my letter… By the way, Kay, I’ve been worried about you… lol… I hardly ever hear from you!!

        Listen, everyone, please- the kindness and understanding that your comments showed me, really touched my heart… I was surprised, frankly, that my efforts meant something to anyone… As some of you know, my writing is very personal- once I start to record a story, I feel kind of like I lose control of my keyboard… I told David one time that I leave a little piece of my heart in what I write… I can’t help it… It just happens that way. Now that I know that it means something to the people that visit here, I won’t close the site down… I just didn’t understand that it was making a difference…

        So, thank you all for taking the time, and, showing your love… It means a LOT to me… I am indebted to you all!!  

                                Love, Tony<333

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